AARG!

I am so sick of this bullcrap! Sick of it! I'm not two years old so quit treating me like it already! Jeez! Come on already! It's ok to tell me freakin crap about what's going on! I can certainly handle it... after everything I've been through I can't believe you still don't trust me with insignificant and insipid things like the future! I mean, you act as if my life will come spiraling down if I find out about something bad. Well, maybe my track record ain't so great, but I've changed. I repeat: I'VE CHANGED! I'm not the same idiot I was in freakin ninth grade! I'm sick of being followed by my past mistakes. Get over it. I'm not the same person I was, and I'll never let myself be that person again. Even if you don't trust anything else I tell you, or anything else about me, trust this: I will NEVER let myself fall that far again. Never. God and I made a deal; we both know what will happen if I braek it, and it ain't pretty. Ya, it's been tough. Ya, I've come close to "returning to old habits." But I have never once gone back, and I don't intend on revisiting those days, so quit treating me like the monster I was. TRUST ME ALREADY! Quit treating me like I don't know anything about the world. I know it may not seem like it, but I know more about the freaking horrors of the world than your average person; I think I can handle the truth about something as trivial as daily life! You always said this was my second chance at life. Well, give it to me then, cause what you're doin to me is killin me worse than anything I ever did three years ago. I'm suffocating, drowning in my own pool of secrets; and do you know why I have to keep those putrid, pungent, caustic, biting, hateful secrets? Because of you. Set me free. Let me finally be the person that I should've been and forget the person I proved I couldn't be. Why is it that everyone but you can see my progress? Everyone but you knows the struggles I've been through? You, who should've been there. YOU, who should've talked to me. You, who let me waste away without so much as a "hey kid, you're ruining your life." Where were you when I needed you? Stuck in your own self doubt and hypocrisy. I don't know why I ever expected anything different. You weren't there for me then--when I was tottering on the edge; tipping over into the brink of destruction and death--- if you weren't there for me then, why should you be there for me now? You didn't help me out of that endless pit of hatred and despair! I pulled myself out. I saved myself. I don't need your bullcrap guilt, cause I can survive. I am strong: stronger than you'll ever realize. I don't need this. I need me and God, the rest will take care of itself, so you... you just worry about yourself, and let me be the person I know I can be.